Life In A New Community to not make friends and more than probably alienate myself!

So, I braved my first soft play session here this morning (just with Rufus and Evelyn, Hector has flown the nest and is now a fully fledged full timer at pre school).

The only expectation that I gave myself was to not leave shouting 'mum wankers' with corresponding hand gestures. Anyway, I felt fairly good about myself in a mum capacity as I actually walked Hector to preschool this morning with all children dressed, fed and happy! Got to the group and immediately regretted warm clothing - small space and too many over exuberant women all at the ready for some intense educational soft play, equals sweat!

The woman running it actually had a big yellow tambourine (NO ONE was allowed to touch it, not even the children!) that she would use with a vigorous shake (regularly) to announce something. Pah! It was classic.

Thankfully Rufus didn't venture to the painting/messy play table, although tambourine woman did suggest this in her announcements a few times. He was also the last child standing at the snack table, and I am fairly sure that he actually ate a whole dinner plate of cubed cheese. A bit like a feat of ‘child vs cheese’.

I wasn't prepared for the sing song time at the end (or I would've dived out under some premise that Evelyn was desperately hungry/tired/ill). It was too late, I was caught up within the tightly packed circle. Tambourine lady didn't use her tambourine, which was a shame as she really did have a great flare for it. After her opening number she took requests from the floor which was totally awkward. One boy was told to ask for some 'crocodile' song by his mum, claiming that he 'loved' to sing it at home. (As my friend wisely pointed out it was more of a slow rap than an actual song). I was then sidetracked into letting her into my ideas on a potential Mum's open mic group, but stopped as I realised there was some disapproving looks coming my way as this was not the time or place for chit chat. Either way, hilariously the boy who had requested this croc song wandered off from his mother's lap in favour of playing near the sink, leaving her stranded on the floor on her own.

The goodbye song was not a success, the aim was to go around every single mum there and say their child's name, like in some weird call and response which didn't go well! Once I escaped the sweatbox I did what I probably should've/would've done if I had sense and not gone to soft play, I went to Tesco and spent a small fortune on crap I didn't need. Nice!

Read more of Iona's work at Please, not another Mummy Blogger

August 08, 2017 by andsotoshop Admin

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